Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Worry

So at the doctor yesterday, yes she gave me the confirm, and I asked just a few questions... she really didn't know that much about what I should and shouldn't be doing. I asked her about Zyrtec, and she said that she wouldn't, that Benedryl is a better option. It's hard to know what I should and shouldn't take medication wise, until I find a midwife. I'm already on three prescription medications for my asthma, and I know I can only take Tylenol, but I'm worried about my Advair, Albuterol, and Singular. I looked up Advair online, and the site said it's a class C medication, and it an cause defects and bad bones for the baby. Same for Albuterol. Singular is fine, but since it's in pill form I'm still worried. I know that the Advair and Albuterol don't get very much into the bloodstream since it's inhaled, and I have to have something for my asthma, it all just makes me worry. I had trouble sleeping last night because my mind was going into overdrive about finances (Ken freaked out last night after I told him my semi-solid plans for taking time off, at least a month and a half, I'm hoping for more). Then I started worrying about what I might have taken before I knew, like medications like Advil or a hot bath to relax, and I started slightly freaking out, thinking about something I might have done and what if the baby is born with something wrong? It's really hard to think about, and I's trying not to worry too much, but I think I'll be better once I get my midwife. I'm going to start scheduling tours and interviews at The Birthing Inn and Tacoma General, the two places I'm looking at for the birth. Because of the holiday coming up on the 31st though, I have to wait to schedule anything until afterward. I'll probably start calling tomorrow to set interviews up. Ugh. I know I need to not stress right now, but it's so hard with so much up in the air still.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

9 weeks

Ok so I may have gotten a little crazy this morning. I wish I could blame it on pregnancy hormones, but that was all me. It's confirmed, I am officially pregnant. She put my due date as August 5th 2011. Yay!

Ken and I put the crib up on the day after Christmas. We have the mattress too, so all we need now is the bedding to make it complete. I'm waiting on that for the registry though, and waiting to register until we find out the gender, to make things easier. We still have the dresser/changing table to put together, but we have time, I'm not worried. I still want to find a border for the nursery at the top of the ceiling, and I need to finish cleaning out the closet to make room for toys, clothes, etc. I have no idea where we are going to put the Rock Band stuff. I hate to stick it in the garage but I don't know where else it could go. All the closets are packed. We put a spare/old dresser in the closet for organization, for wipes, diapers, spare stuff.

I want to get a cheap pair of headphones and a CD player (do they even still make those??) so I can play classical music to baby Dudley. I know it's cheesy but whatever!

I totally understand what women say about people touching their belly now though. It's only been a week since most people have known, and I've already had 3 people rub my belly. What the heck, I'm not even showing yet! Super weird. It's fine if you ask, but when you randomly come up and out your hand on my stomach it's weird. Called a personal bubble people. Why is pregnancy one of those times when people don't care about personal space?

I've been trying to eat healthier, but I just don't know about the vegetable portion of that being healthy lol. I know it's for my baby, and it's worth it, but it's so hard to even want to sit down and try to eat them. Even just peas and green beans are horrible. I'm OK with shredded lettuce if it's in something, like a wrap, but even the amount has to be small. I don't think I'm getting very many healthy benefits from  2 tablespoons of lettuce, ugh. I'm trying to incorporate stuff I know I like into my diet more, like beans, pumpkins, sweet potatoes, and various fruits. There is a variety of foods at work, so it's mostly been there that I'm trying foods. We'll see how that goes as my pregnancy continues though. On that note, I need something to eat!

Anxiety

My first DR appointment is in like 45 minutes. They're going to conform the pregnancy and I'm guessing talk about next options, maybe going over some do and don'ts for food and stuff. It was hard to sleep last night, I was feeling nervous, and continue to be nervous today. I have this weird fear that when they do the blood test, it will come out negative and my home pregnancy test was a false positive. I know it's most likely untrue, but I still have some uneasiness and fear today because of it. Ugh, the next 45 minutes will be crazy. Off I go!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Questions

It's only been about 4 days since I've found out I was pregnant. Still no doctor visit, that's scheduled for Tuesday the 28th. To be honest, I really don't feel different yet. Yes I'm a little more paranoid about what I'm eating, lifting at my job, and chemical use, but I really don't even feel pregnant. Maybe because it's still so early, I don't know. I've noticed myself rubbing my belly when I don't think about it though, just at random times. No one tells you how the first months go or feel like, especially right after you find out, so this is a weird experience.

I also have so many questions... do I need an obgyn or midwife? Both? If both, why? How do I go about looking for either of these? Should I be touring birthing centers yet, or can that wait? How does the whole midwife thing work anyway? Are there things I really shouldn't be doing this early, like at work? Holding kids, lifting, bending over for long periods? Do I need to eat as often as I think I need to? Is the occasional pop really that bad? Are the medications I'm using really safe? What about over the counters, like my allergy med, Zyrtec?

I swear everything that I'm not supposed to or should do is driving me crazy already, and making very paranoid. I get weird thoughts like "Well what if I shouldn't eat this and I do, will the baby still be healthy? Will one mistake make things go horribly wrong in there?"

Ugh. It's really hard not to constantly think about all of this.

Finding Out

Ever since Saturday the 18th, Ken had been trying to talk me into testing again, since I still didn't have a period, and was about 20 days late. I hemmed and hawed; I had wanted to wait until the very end of the month, like the 31st, to give me enough time to really make sure I could get a positive if I was supposed to.
Our wedding anniversary is the 21st of December. I woke up that Tuesday to ken already out of bed and on the computer. I don't know what compelled me to want to test, but for some reason I did. I got out of bed, and tested.

At first I was afraid to look, as I had been 3 times before, hoping for a positive and getting a negative. I willed myself to look at the test. Two little pink lines faced me, and it's like I couldn't even think for a moment. My first rational thought was "Oh my gosh, FINALLY!"

Ken was on the computer, so I came in like I normally do, and wrapped my arms around him from the back while he played WoW. He talked about specific things in the game for a moment, then I asked him how he was, like we both normally ask each other.

Ken: Doing good, waiting to get into a party.
Me: Well I'm glad you're doing good, because you're going to be a daddy!

I swear Ken practically threw me in the air and had a huge smile on his face. It was obvious he was overjoyed. We talked about my test, and we spent the better part of the late afternoon on the phone with Ken's parent, Amy, Jared, and leaving a voice mail for my mom. It was a magical morning almost, I swear smiles never left our faces. We took pictures of the test, kissed, hugged, talked to Ken's parents, talked to Amy, and enjoyed the morning. I did an online calculator, and based on my last period, the internet said I was due August 4th 2011 and was already 8 weeks. I made an appointment with my family care provider, but was slightly disappointed I had to wait another week before I could talk to a doctor about it.

Since it was our anniversary, we had decided to go out to dinner. Ken suggested we also go to a movie. On the way to dinner (Red Lobster for the first time, yum!), I called all my close friends and family members, and told them the good news. Everyone was so overjoyed, and I enjoyed telling them they were going to be aunts, aunties and uncles lol.

I told everyone at work the next day, and I got the same reactions, everyone was overjoyed for Ken and I, and I posted a status and the picture of the test on facebook for the friends and family I don't have phone numbers to, and I swear I've never received so many notifications so quickly! It's awesome to know that so many people are so happy for you.

First Steps

This is how my pregnancy journey began:
My husband Ken and I have always wanted to be parents. We knew when we got married that we wanted to be steady financially, to wait at least a year to give us time to be a couple, and that we wanted to space out our children. After talking about when would be best to start trying, Ken's big point was that he wanted to own a house before we tried. So off we went to buy a house. 
We bought our house in May 2010, and from the purchase, we were able to put $4,000 into savings specifically for a baby. For lost time at work, furniture, doctors visits, etc. Being financially secure was a big issue for us, and even after the house, our jobs are steady, income is steady, and we decided it was finally time to start trying for a baby. It was sooner than we had expected; we had originally planned for Jan. 2011 for the birth control to be removed, and I was really happy we decided to move forward sooner.
We knew we were ready, so I made the appointment to get my Implanon (my method of birth control) removed. It needed to be removed in January anyway, so a removal in October wasn't that unexpected. I had to go to Planned Parenthood, as that was where I got it placed at, and figured they would know best how to remove it. Or not. The doctor on duty that day could not see the Implanon, and thus could not remove it. I remember the day quite readily. She apologized continuously and I lay crying on the table. I was so ready to have it removed, has been looking forward to the day for so long, it was a major disappointment to know I had to wait three more days until another doctor could look.  Ken and I spent that frustrating day being lazy at home, and I trued not to think of how disappointed I was.
Skip ahead three days, and before I knew the doctor has even opened my arm, viola, it's out. It was successfully removed on October 27th. I was told by both doctors that becoming pregnant may not happen right away, and to be patient. My first day of my period was October 28th, and I swear all I could think of was the possibility of getting pregnant.
I think I went a little crazy in the 2 weeks or so after getting my Implanon taken out. Probably from my hormones trying to balance out again, but I was a mess. Very irritated, moody, sad all the time. It was in the first month I found out at least 3 people from high school were also having babies, and I felt very frustrated that things seemed to be taking forever.

I hosted Thanksgiving this year, and on Thanksgiving morning, woke up sick as a dog. Nauseous, queasy, weak, and I actually threw up once. My mom came over, took one look at me, and asked what I was wrong. I told her I felt sick, and then she was convinced I was pregnant. My possible pregnancy was the talk of the whole day from my relatives. I tried not to hope to hard that I was pregnant, and I even tested that day. Negative. I decided to wait a little longer; maybe I was just sick, maybe I didn't have enough hormone if I was pregnant to cause a positive. I waited another 2 weeks and on a whim from ken bought another pack of pregnancy tests. Tested that night and was still negative. It was really hard not to feel depressed about it, even though I was over 2 weeks late for my November period. Every one I talked to told me to just wait it out, stop thinking about it, it will happen when it's meant to. All I remember feeling from November to mid December was frustration  and disappointment. When would it come? Either a positive or a period, which one, just give me something to go on! Not thinking about getting pregnant is easier said than done.