Saturday, June 30, 2012

Tired

Nope, not this month. The day after I posted, I got a visitor. It really set me in an awful mood, and the disappointment never gets easier. I'm really getting tired of this. There doesn't seem to be any true explanation (at least that I've head 100% or even very likely yet) for a year of infertility. I'm really starting to lose hope about ever having children, my own or through other means. Lord help me.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Holding My Breath

I'm really trying not to hold my breath, but I really don't know what to do. My period is late, from what the fertility tracker said before I took it off my phone (I honestly couldn't remember when my may period was, so I needed to see). The tracker said my last period was on the 29th of May, and to expect the June period on the 23 or 24th.
Well, nothing has happened. I keep gearing up for it, preparing for it, but today (Tuesday) is 2-3 days late. I'm holding my breath because I have been semi late before, and no baby. I'm thinking that if nothing happens by Friday afternoon, I might take a test on my lunch break.
Having this thought in the back of my head is driving me a little crazy, but I'm trying to stay calm about it. My lab results (Dr Gramann wanted to test my progesterone again, to make sure I ovulated) said I did indeed ovulate, so anything is possible.

I guess we will have to see what happens by Friday. Eek.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Tears Walk and an Appointment

It has been a crazy last week. The Tears Walk was on the 16th, and it didn't go quite as I expected. Ken has a bought of food poisoning, so it was just my mom and I. I wish Ken would have been able to go. It was good though. My mom hadn't been before, so once we got to Cheney Stadium, I gave her a run through of how things would go for the day. We both bought extra t shirts, and sat to listen to a little history (it was actually the 10th year since Tears was founded), the founders personal story losing her son at 26 weeks, and the reading of all the names of the babies being walked for. We had a little meltdown moment when we were writing special messages to my lost babies, I think that moment definitely bought us closer. It really made me realize how much my personal loss affects other people. You think it affects you yourself the most, but a loss really affects everyone you can even remotely close to. Just made it really hit home how sad other people are as well as I am.
                                              Myself with the butterfly for my babies.
                                                     People walking the track
 Every butterfly represents a child who is being walked for or a child who has been helped by the Tears Foundation. The butterflies circled the entire stadium.


*******************************************************************************
So I also had my last appointment with Dr Gramann today, since he is retiring on the 27th. The main things are that he is still very hopeful that I will become pregnant without any medical intervention, and basically it's a waiting game to see if Ken and I  conceive by the end of August. After that we need to look at Ken's side of things, and see an infertility specialist. No pressure right?
He hasn't ruled out polysystic overy syndrome yet, and he wants me to do another small blood test this Saturday (the 23rd) to see if I've ovulated this month. I guess even girls with minor PCOS may only ovulate 3-8 times a year, so one test isn't condusive. He also said that he's not 100% that my right tube is instead blocked. He said that it may have shown it was blocked from a spasm the tube had while being invaded with dye. I guess that's everything that I can remember from the top of the my head, and I guess we will see what happens in the next couple months.