Well, there is news. A year without conceiving, I have to make an appointment with the Gyft Clinic. I haven't yet, for the sheer reason that I can't take any more time from work, until next month. I just want to see what the options are, what kind of testing they think we might need, a general overview type of appointment first. Then it will be a decision of where we are financially, and emotionally before we go forward with anything. So I guess we will have to see what happens. We are looking at all the options, and nothing is completely ruled out. I had a min breakdown though, and cried for like 2 days straight when I got my period in August. That moment when I knew it wasn't going to happen, and it had been 14 months with nothing, no hope, it was too much.
My mom got married last weekend, and her sister (Barbara) is married to a full blood Tongan, like from the island is where he came from. We got to a point in conversation where one of my brothers was talking about retiring at 45 in Tonga, and my sister in law said that her one stipulation was to have kids, which then my aunt said they can adopt a Tongan baby. Apparently it's pretty simple. My aunt said that you should visit for a month, find an unwed mother, and if all the paperwork checks out, it's that easy. I would only consider it as an option because my cousins and obviously my aunt are all fully into their heritage and culture, so assimilating a different culture into my own family wouldn't be difficult. If I have the paperwork lined up before we go, I figure the month and staying with the baby for the first 6 weeks plus totally fits within the family leave law. It is obviously something I want to research more, and understand fully what I need to do for this to happen, but I think it would be a better option than trying to pay $15 to 20 grand here in the states, and that's not even guaranteed.
I guess everything is so up in the air, but I'm definitely more optimistic about the future and what it means for the dream of having children.
I also had a dream last night, that I was pregnant, but in the very early stages, first trimester for sure. I was nervous for sure, but after going to the potty, I noticed a spot of blood and freaked out, then woke up. Weird.
