Jonathon

So I looked up the meaning of the name Jonathon over the weekend.

"Gift of God".

Still not completely sold on it, either as a first or middle, but it definitely gives me something to think about.

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Still sick as ever, and everything seems to be going about the same as it has been. I guess I don't feel very pregnant though yet, maybe because I'm not showing yet? I don't know, some times I do, some times I don't. Weird feeling.11 weeks today though!!

Dreaming

I had a very vivid dream last night. Ken and I went in to the Dr for our 13 week ultrasound, and I remember being nervous about the outcome. Ken was gone for some reason as the DR was finding the heartbeat, and I was freaking out he was going to miss it. But it was there, strong and kicking! Ken came in right after, and the Dr also told us the baby was a boy! Ken and I also saw the baby move, my belly was going all over the place! We then decided to name him Jonathon.

I woke up happy but confused by the name Jonathon. I remember liking the name, sort of, a few years ago, but it's never been one that Ken and I have discussed. Time to discuss is maybe? I still like the middle name Alexander, but Logan I'm not sure of any more.
Ken came up with a new girl name too (wasn't feeling Abigail anymore either). Keep the middle name Joanne, which means "God is gracious", after my maternal grandmother,  and first name would be Elizabeth, which means "God's promise; God is my oath". We could call her Ellie or Ellie Jo for short. I think it's so cute! Definitely a keeper, but I need more time to make sure 100%.

Still sick as ever, as I', midway through week 10. I've actually vomited in the past week, which hasn't happened at all so far, just feeling sick. Good sign right?
I'm a little paranoid about taking anything during this trimester though. I head a headache the last 2 days, and the one coworker that knows tried to convince me to take Tylenol, and I know it's on the safe list, but I can't help but feel paranoid. I upped my water intake and kept eating every 2 hours, and it went away (eventually). I don't even want to take Tums for the heartburn I have now. The only medication I've been taking is my prescriptions for the asthma, my prenatal, a fish oil, and a calcium supplement. Really REALLY ready for my next appointment, I want to get over this first trimester hurdle and move on from the worry that this will all blow up in my face.

10 Weeks

Well it's 10 weeks tomorrow (Tuesday). Things have been steady, I ate a breakfast of saltines this morning since I was feeling so sick, and it continued throughout the day. I had some pain in my side late last week, but after looking it up, I'm pretty sure it was round ligament pain. Taken from What To Expect:
Lower abdominal achiness: Like so many pregnancy symptoms, round ligament pain (which is just a fancy name for those growing pains in that burgeoning belly of yours) is probably something you never expected. What’s causing them? The ligaments that support your belly are stretching out (and getting thinner); and as your belly gets heavier, the weight pulls on the ligaments, causing pain (sharp or dull). The best thing to do is get off your feet and get comfy.

It only happened for two days and has since gone away, and I have had no warning signs of any kind, so I'm guessing that everything is still great. I'm still nervous to be excited, but the more I think about it, the more I think "I'm going to have a baby!!!"
I'm trying not to think too far into the future yet, not until we get to my next appointment at 13 weeks, but my mind has been going in opposite directions lately. Sometimes I can't help but think there won't be a heartbeat at 13 weeks, and other times I think of a gender reveal, registering, and baby showers. I'm so nervous, for either outcome! Still staying 90%, and going to church with Jared has helped the past 2 weeks. Planning to continue that throughout the pregnancy and beyond, if I can. Positive thoughts!

Side note: Heartburn and nausea at the same time is a weird feeling. That's not to mention gas and a headache! Oh pregnancy...

9 weeks

Ken and I went in today to hear the baby's heartbeat today. Everything went really well, Dr Dickson said the heartbeat was strong, at 175 bpm, and everything still looked great! I ended up crying once I heard the beat and heard everything was good. Ken even teared up a little. I won't have another appointment until 13 weeks (it was supposed to be 12, but Dr Dickson will be on vacation then, so one week later). Today has been such a great day!

 

I got another picture, and you can actually see features! Ken and I could both make out an arm or a leg in this one. Very exciting. 

I am nervous though. I know this is a different pregnancy, a whole different situation, and prayer will continue to be my future, but next week is the same time I had my missed miscarriage in my last pregnancy. And I still have another month until we're in the clear. I did some quick research, and I know the risk goes way down (between 4 and 14%) for a miscarriage now that I've heard the heartbeat, but I can't help but still be a little nervous. As before, continued prayer in the coming weeks would be most appreciated. Trying not to stress, and keep calm about all this. I know it will be fine, God is in control!

Next Step

Ok, it has been a bit since I last updated and I'm sorry for that. My health ha been bad the last few days, and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.
My doctors appointment went great! I really like Dr Dickson, and she said everything looks perfect. She did a breast exam, a pap, and then gave me an ultrasound. She said the baby looked closer to 7 weeks than the 8 I estimated (which is fine), so my new due date in August 28th. She also said that she could see the heart beat, nice and strong, and she tried to listen for it. It was really faint, but I heard it!!! She said because of my history, that we'd have another appointment on the 22nd to really hear the heart beat, at 9 weeks. Definitely made me feel better about the whole situation, I'm really thankful. Her nurse is nice too, which is a plus. And I got a picture! Dr Dickson said the heart beat was at 155 beats per minute that day, which I then told my mom, and she said she thinks it's a boy lol.Not the first time I've heard that, but we'll see, I don't care either way.

So now it's a waiting game until the 22nd, and Ken took the day off so he's coming with me. Maybe I'll try to make a recording it so I can post it here too.
Things are definitely getting better, and this appointment just made me so much more confident about the pregnancy. Please continue praying for me, I'm still nervous about the possibility of another missed miscarriage, which is entirely possible. One more week!

Nerves and Worries

These last few days have been difficult. Ken has been stressing me out emotionally, and I've been feeling distant to him emotionally as well. I think he's just stressing out about baby expenses and money already, he's mentioned it a few times, but having him stressed makes me stressed. And the closer I get to my Dr appointment and the farther along I get, the more nervous I feel. I can't help but worry about the heartbeat appointment coming up in the next 3-4 weeks. It's been more difficult to stay positive and relax, I can't help it.
Today, I also smelled blood as I was going potty, like it was on my underwear. No  actual blood, just the smell. That also has me worried. I'm still praying, still staying positive, but these last few days have been hard.

It's also been so hard not to tell people. I don't like hiding it from people. During New Years Eve, there were 5 people, close friends of mine, that I desperately wanted to tell, but couldn't. I don't like it, and I want to tell the whole world, but I'm so nervous about this going bad.

Please continue praying for me, this has been a rough few days. Positive thoughts!

Something New

So I've starting something new with this pregnancy, and it is working so amazingly. Whenever I'm having a freak out moment (there have been lots in the last few weeks), I have been telling myself "it will be ok. Everything is fine. I will be ok." A deep breath and then I'm usually ok. I've also started a quick prayer every night (or every night I remember, which is most nights), before I go to bed. I just thank God for this little miracle, and to keep my baby safe, healthy, and growing, and I ask for peace and health for myself. That's it.

This is making me feel so good!! And it's helping so much with my fears and worries. I know I know, I should have started this long ago, but better late than never!

A little boy of about 5 at work this week, while I was giving a break, was being violent and smacked me right in my tummy. I had a freak out moment(s!!), completed the break, and decided to give myself a minute to collect myself. I took a potty break, and while in the potty I sent up a quick prayer for safety, peace, and well being for the baby. I felt myself calming down within moments, and was able to finish the work day with minimal stress. It also really helps that I have a co-worker who knows about the pregnancy, so I can keep her in the loop , and she has been quite helpful in keeping me calm as well.

Almost 7 weeks, and my nausea has become more frequent and stronger. I'm glad though, morning sickness is a good sign!  Everything seems to be going well, and I'm quite happy.

Well

It's been 2 weeks, and everything is still great. I'll be 6 weeks on Tuesday the 25th, which is exciting. 2 more weeks until my first appointment. I've already had some pregnancy symptoms, which is exciting in and of itself. I've never really had them too much with my previous pregnancies, and especially not this early. I've been having breast tenderness and mild nausea, and I swear I have to pee every 5 minutes already. My pants are already becoming tight too, I get uncomfortable easily in my jeans after only a few hours. Thankfully a friend of mine from work knows (I figure if something bad happens at work, I have someone who knows and can give support, I'm not telling work until after 13 weeks either), and she has been a great help with all the weird things that are happening so far.

I was worried for a few days, since I had about 2 days of mild, uncomfortable cramping, but she reassured me it was probably implantation cramping. She has really been helping me keep calm about everything. I still have momentary fear every time I go potty, that I will find blood, but those feelings have lessened this week. Still staying positive, I still have a great feeling about this baby. \

Ken and I took a mini vacation to Portland for our 5th wedding anniversary, (we actually just got back today), and we got a chance to talk, really talk about his feelings. I've felt before that the whole trying for a baby really affected him as much as it has for me. So I asked him how he felt about the positive pregnancy test, and he told me that he is over the moon excited, he can't wait. He has a good feeling too, and is ready for whatever it takes to support me and the baby. Definitely makes me feel better about all this.

Hope

Well it is official. I took a test on Wednesday night after I came home, and a pale pink second line showed up!!

I'm Pregnant!!!!!

Right now I'm around 4 weeks, and I have have already made my first OB appointment. My new doctor is Dr Dickson (I'm pretty sure I went to school with one of her daughters), and the appointment is on the 8th, when I'll be 8 weeks. I told Dr Dickson's nurse that I have had 2 previous miscarriages, and she said if I want, I can come in and do a blood test to monitor my levels but I don't think I want that. She also said that if I see any bleeding at all, don't hesitate to call her.

That said, if you are reading this and I haven't already told you in person/call, I apologize. My previous losses are making me nervous, and I don't want to have to tell everyone again if I do miscarry. Make it easier on myself and Ken.

That also being said, if you are reading this, please do not tell anyone else. I want to wait until the heartbeat appointment until I tell the free world. I'm trying to be optimistic but I am still nervous about this whole thing. Obviously so.

Please continue positive thoughts and prayers for me, and I will continue updates as they come I guess. Thanks everyone!

Maybe??

I may be getting too excited, but according to my calendar tracking, my period comes every 3 weeks, so it should start this week. Well I looked at it and this week, starting last Sunday, the 2nd, to I'm assuming tomorrow, saturday-ish. I'm trying not to hold my breath, but I haven't gotten it yet. Maybe my calculations of when to expect it are wrong, I don't know. I will not be surprised if I get it. I'm also going to wait until the mid to end of next week, the week of the 14th, before I test.
I've told Ken already that I'm sort of late, and he told me not to get too excited either. I know I know, don't have high expectations. I'm honestly trying not to. He is excited about the possibility though. Gave me a high five, ha!

I guess we will see what happens in the next week. I really hope I don't have to write a retraction post.