Grieving

I had to post. I've kind of had an epiphany. As some of you may remember, after my second miscarriage, I joined a support group. During one of my last meetings, another member passed out livestrong type bracelets, but were black and said grieving on them. To serve as a public statement to the world that I have been hurt, that I lost something, something so dear to me. I only took it off maybe a handful of times, and any time I did for whatever reason, I felt naked, that I had to rush home and put it back on. That my grieving process was not over, not even close, and I needed the bracelet to help keep me in check.
Well, Ken and I went to a work function of his, a casino night, which meant we dressed up a little. I took off my bracelet since it really didn't go with my nice dress. And I haven't felt the need since I've come home and changed to put it back on again. I honestly don't think I need it. It is in my jewelry box, just in case, but I love the fact that that part of my life, may be over.
Don't get me wrong, I'll never be completely over what happened and the loss of my two babies, but it doesn't feel so raw, so real, so awful any more. I'm not sure if baby Lex has something major to do with this, or time, or both. All I know is that this is a good feeling, and it has definitely been quite the journey to reach this point. God is so good, and I can't thank Him enough for the blessings He has given Ken and I.

The 3rd Trimester!!

I can't believe we are in the last stretch of this pregnancy. Do I really only have 12 weeks left (give or take)? I keep wondering what my son will look like, how it will be when he is here. Will he look more like Ken or me? Both? Will he have dark hair or the platinum blonde Ken and I were both born with? I'm really curious to see him at last! Ken mentioned the other day "This baby needs to be here now!". I'm glad he is so excited, but this baby can cook as long as he needs to! Longer is better!

The nursery is finally ready to be put together (after we move Andy into the other bedroom, which should happen soon), and I'm hoping to get the main components up and ready before the end June. I wish I could repaint but I don't think there is enough time unfortunately. I'm really ready to start organizing and going through everything. There have been lots of families at work that have been awesome, and between those families, we now have another car seat with extra base, more clothes, a crib wedge, some decorations, and other random things. A parent at work told me too if we need anything to let her know, she has lots of stuff left over from her son (who is in my class). I figure I'll take her up on anything she's willing to give me, if I have extra or don't want some items, I can always sell it to a consignment shop. Can't hurt right?

I think the registries are pretty much complete, between Babies R Us and Target, I'm pretty confident we have everything we might still need. I think. Having Rachel help me with the Target list was great, she thought of a lot of things I didn't even think about. Definitely feels nice to have that taken care of.

Week 28!

26 weeks

There has been a lot going on. This little boy sure is active, but I love it. It's definitely the highlight of my day, and it is for Ken too. He told me yesterday as I was getting up for work (I was curled up o the couch, still half asleep) "I want to feel my boy kick!" Well ok then, tell me silly!Ken is constantly holding, kissing, and talking to Lex/my belly, and it's simply amazing. The other day I was on the computer and I saw he had taken out "The Expectant Father" book I bought years ago when we first got pregnant, and it warmed my heart to know that he went and got it of his own accord.
I asked Ken what his favorite part of the pregnancy has been so far, and he has two. Feeling Lex move, and beginning to get everything ready. I am so excited for him to be a father!!

I had my glucose test today, and I expected to have the results by the end of the week. Surprisingly, I had a voice mail on my phone after work that said I passed! Yay!! I'm so relieved, I was very nervous about the possibility of having gestational diabetes. Definitely feels positive, and just reaffirms to me that God is so good, and He has given me this baby for a reason. The pregnancy has been relatively easy thus far, and I know God has such great things in store for Ken, I, and Lex.

26 week baby bump

Odd and Ends

Well I know it's a little late in posting, but Ken and I have picked a name for our son. We've agreed on Alexander Leo. Leo is Ken's middle name, and Alexander is a name I've always liked for years. I really wanted to incorporate the name Jonathon somehow, but Ken wanted it as a first name and I didn't. I wanted to have 2 middle names, Jonathon Leo, but Ken didn't like that. The name fits though, I'm glad we came to a middle ground. I find it weird to call the baby by his name, in reference to him, though. Maybe because I'm still pregnant and it's... weird. I don't know, hard to explain. It feels weird to look at my stomach though and say "Alex" or "Lex". I'm sure I'll get over this as the weeks continue.

My friend Rachel gave me a huge box of clothes from her 14 month old son yesterday, which is a huge blessing. A family from work has a list of things from their children they want to give us too, which is awesome. I don't think Ken and I will have to register for much honestly. Little things like pacifiers and crib sheets and first aid stuff. Nothing too bad.

Is it weird that no one has offered to throw me a shower yet? I'm thinking that it will have to wait until July anyway, so that people with more complicated schedules can still attend. I really wish I could begin the set up process for the nursery, but that's a complicated issue. Every time I get inspiration, I have to remind myself to be patient. I really want to get things put together, while Ken and I have time on the weekends and I'm not as big as a house yet. Kind of frustrating at times.

The baby has been super active. Every time I sit down, even for a few minutes, he starts to rock and roll! He can make my whole tummy move now too, it's crazy fascinating. Ken and I went today with the roomies to see Iron Man 3, and pretty much the whole 2 1/2 hour movie, this baby was moving! He's kind of a turkey though, when Ken tries to feel, every time, that's when he stops. The baby cooperated for the most part today, and ken got to feel some of the more powerful kicks, which makes me smile. It's also crazy to say that I'm almost 6 months. Which is confusing by the way. 9 months is only 36 weeks, and to term is 40 weeks? Why do people say pregnancy is for 9 months when I guess technically it's 10? I don't quite get it.

My next Dr appointment, I have to do the glucose test, and I'm kind of nervous. My dad had diabetes, and I know I'm overweight, even before the pregnancy, but the thought of diabetes scares me. Really hoping the first test comes back negative.

I think that's it for now, all that I remember I wanted to write about. Almost 24 weeks!

Worries

I have a new set of worries on my mind now. I'm worried about my social life in the coming months, and after the baby is born. I know of one other person/couple who have a young child that I'm around socially on a consistant basis. I think it's hard enough for me to be social with my good friends, seeing as I have other responsibilities and different focuses than they do (ie: marriage, home, etc). It's hard enough now to coordinate schedules and agree on being able to hang out. How much harder will it be, knowing that I will have a baby in tow? I don't want my social circle to collaspe, or feel like I'm missing out on even more because of the baby.
I'm sure I'll find other friendships with new moms, but it would be seriously upsetting if my older friendships faded or died because of different priorities and lives. I obviously can't and will not be able to do things spur of the moment any more. Which my unmarried, un-babied friends will be much more ale to do, and may not really want to include me and baby on such adventures. It's all a little complicated. I guess all I can do is hope for the best and see what happens right?

Baby Dudley Is...

Well the day is finally here, and Ken and I have found out that we are having a baby

BOY!!!

 

 

I don't think it has really hit me yet,  that in 4 short months, I will have a son. It still feels so surreal, even though I've been feeling this boy kick for almost a month now. Like is this really happening? I have a son. My baby is a boy. Reality has not hit me fully yet. This is so crazy!! 

I'm a mom, and I have a son!!!

And as I'm typing this, the baby my boy is kicking up a storm. That is such a highlight of my day, I love it. There seems to be so much to do now, with a baby shower, sorting out the nursery and getting the decorations up, moving Andy out of the nursery and into the office, so much stuff to do! Little steps I guess. I am so excited, I know this baby is truly a blessing from God.

Almost 21 weeks

Ok so I'm finally updating. I was nervous about the 20 week ultrasound, but it went well, even though it ran late. It was at St Elizabeth, so I had an intern doing most of my exam. He had some trouble getting measurements and pictures, only because the baby was moving so much! Flipping over completely, doing 180 turns, everything. It took about 30-40 minutes before the intern got frustrated with the baby (hah) and asked the sonographer to come in to finish. The intern kept making me laugh though, he called the baby a turd! I asked not to know the gender right up front, and it was a good thing, because very quickly after he started the ultrasound, it was pretty apparent.
I can't decide what the gender is honestly, I'm not sure if "apparent" means clearly a boy or clearly a girl. Oiy! The intern called my mom, and after some confusion over getting her to answer the phone, my mom now knows the gender and Ken and I still don't know. I'm glad I only have to wait a week, the suspense is already too much! I'm getting the party details together this weekend, so I don't have to stress too much the day of. I'm just excited for it to be Saturday!

Ken also finally got to feel the baby move this morning, after I had breakfast. We were trying last night to get him to feel the baby, but the baby was being a turkey. Even after half a cup of coffee, juice, and a small meal, every time Ken would put his hand on my tummy, the baby would stop moving. Of course! Ken got frustrated/impatient pretty quickly, like after 30 minutes, but I'm glad it worked this morning. He got a big goofy grin on his face when the baby kicked for him.

Now the next step is registering, and trying to figure out how to get Cyndi (Ken's mom) up here at least, for the birth. Money is tight for them in CA right now, so we're hoping to use some airline miles on Ken's credit card to help or completely purchase her ticket. The timing may be kind of hard to figure out, but we'll get there. We still have time.

Baby Dudley at 20 weeks:

9 More Days/19 weeks

9 more days until I have the 20 week ultrasound. And I'm halfway through this pregnancy. Um WOW!!! Crazy to think it's already half over! I'm getting really excited for the gender reveal, and I've definitely been feeling the baby kick, if not every day, at least every other day. Usually in bed when I'm resting before trying to go to sleep. I had some really big kicks tonight while watching tv, which made me laugh and almost cry at the same time. I can't wait until the kicks are strong enough for Ken to feel.
I also got a phone call from the Dr's office, and my triple/quad screen (still not sure which one they did, ha) came back all negative. Good to hear, even though I wasn't worried. 

18 weeks

We had the 18 week appointment today, and it went well. My DR listened to the heartbeat by doppler again, and I had to hold my breath. I didn't hear a steady heartbeat like I had previously, but my DR just laughed, asked if we heard it, then said that the baby was moving a lot! Definitely reassured me today.
Next is our 20 week ultrasound, where they will be checking a lot of the body and systems, and also (sort of) telling us the gender. After that I see my DR again at 22 weeks.

I think I've felt the baby move today. I was driving home, on my way to get gas, and it felt like a bubble popped in my belly, for a second, then it was gone. I'm not really sure what I should be looking for, but from what I've heard, and after talking with Ken and Andy, I'm pretty sure it was the baby and not something else or whatever. Kind of exciting!

Happy

So glad this week is over. It was slightly stressful week, especially at work and with finances. I think I'm going to be one of those lucky women who is sick the entirety of the pregnancy. I'm over it about 90%, but times at work, and if I go longer than 2 hours at home without eating, I feel like I'm going to hurl. It seems to hit me suddenly too. I have another week until my next appointment, which I'm excited and nervous for. I'm glad the triple or quad screen done, I'm not sure which one my Dr said. Neither Ken or I have any genetic abnormalities in our families that I know of, but there is always a chance, which is why I'm slightly nervous. I guess we shall see.

Something made me really happy today though. Ken and I were talking this afternoon, and he placed his head on my tummy. I asked him "hear anything?" and he said "no, just normal tummy rumblings". So I asked him to move down, since the top of my uterus is at the top of my belly button (so says all the baby development websites). I again asked him if he could hear anything, and he said yes! He said it sounded like a sloshing, or when you hear someone moving underwater. How cool! I'm sure he was hearing the baby move in the amniotic fluid, even though I can't feel anything yet. The smile on his face was priceless though, it made me so happy.

Changes to my tummy are still subtle, I can only really notice it is I'm laying on my side, then the bottom half of my tummy feels more round and filled out. Just standing up though, I don't think you can tell really. Still waiting for that tell tale "belly bump".