Too Late?

No baby in July either. This is the last month we have before I have to make that dreaded appointment at the infertility clinic. I'm so nervous about this. I can't imagine having to make that call, see an infertility specialist, walk into that clinic. I can't help but wonder if this is some form of punishment. Am I such an awful person that this is what I get? Why do I have to go through this? Why does it seem like every other person I know is having babies, multiple pregnancies , all healthy and perfect. Why do I have this desire in my heart for children if it will never be fulfilled? I've been reading what i can about adoptions online, and it's not promising. Everything I've read says that they cost $15,000- $20,000, unless I do foster to adopt, but even from other states, there do not seem to be any young children in foster care, 95% of what I've seen are children 12 and above. And if we are willing to do an older child, there are so many steps involved, it would be a year or more until we even had a possibility of receiving a foster child. I feel so lost right now.