Apparently today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. I got an invite from a friend of mine (unfortunately another baby loss mama) to the group on facebook, and I guess people are trying to have everyone celebrate and recognize those who has suffered from pregnancy/infant loss as their mother's day. I remember Mother's Day last year, how unhappy it was for me, right after the loss of my second pregnancy and my D&C. I'm hoping this year will be better, but you never know. I'm trying to recognize this day as a day to myself, and remember that I am indeed a mom.... but not going to lie, that is something I've always struggled with. I don't feel like a mom. At all.
I feel like a person who has lost a part of themselves, lost a piece of their heart, like a failure, like an idiot. Anything else but a mom. I know that's not how I should feel and that I have every right to be called a mom, and have that title, but honestly I've never felt it. Maybe kind of when I was pregnant but even then it was all so early, it was hard to really call myself a mom.
This is such a roller coaster, one day I think I would be just fine having a family of 2, to not have children, and today I feel like I would give my right arm for a baby. This craziness needs to end.
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