Occupied

It seems that lately, the last 2 to 3 weeks, any time I have a moment to sit and think (mostly on the car ride home from work), my mind immediately goes to reliving moments. Moments of the past 2 years, joyful and difficult. The doctor appointment where they couldn't find the heartbeat.  Waking up in recovery from my D&C. Starting this blog, and trying to keep everyone in the loop through it. Telling Ken he would be a daddy, and the whole process of telling our friends and family. I don't know if I'm truly depressed (which only came to light recently that it was even a good possibility, postpartum depression from hormones can develop after even  miscarriage, didn't know that until recently) but I can't help it when my mind drifts to these memories and times. I've been crying more lately, and it is definitely not something I can control. Ken and I are waiting to pay off more medical bills that have accrued from previous tests and appointments before we try to even make an appointment at the Gyft Clinic. At this point, I just feel defeated.