I can't believe I let this day pass me by without any remembrance almost at all. Has it really been that long? Today is special for 2 reasons. One, it is my due date for my second pregnancy, my missed miscarriage. It has been 2 years since this day was all I could think of. And I didn't even remember until a blog friend posted. I'm really surprised that I forgot this. It seemed all I could focus on a year ago, 2 years ago, that to forget this momentus day is weird for me. I feel guilty that I forgot. Will I remember this day at all, for either meaning, next year? I'm sorry little Baby Dudley, for not remembering your supposed to be birthday. Happy supposed to be birthday little one. I still miss you every day. I still love you ever so fiercely. Daddy does too, although I don't think he remembered today. This day is more for us anyway. Please give Auntie Jennica a kiss for me, and an extra special hug.
This day is also special because it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. People around the country and world light candles as a remembrance at 7 pm, to honor those who have lost and those who have been lost. Well I obviously missed that time, so I'll light a candle now, for the small amount of time I can.
I swear this has not become any easier. It's been 2 years since my loss, and I still tear up. I still haven't taken my "grieving" bracelet off. I still don't think I'm ready.
Why do my words never convey what I want them to? I can't make the words form right to say what I truly feel and my thoughts on this subject. Maybe it is still too new. All I know is that I want to be happy. A simple thing really. Happy.
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