So everything is not peachy keen in the Dudley household. Due to an accident (without going into the details), I may be out of work very soon. On the day I found out about this, I couldn't help but think that maybe the miscarriage was a good thing. Being 16 weeks pregnant and being out of work would be horrible. And I hate myself for thinking that, but I couldn't help it. How can I think like that? My heart and my head are saying two different things right now... my head says to wait, to let myself fully heal or something before trying again, but my heart wants a baby so much. I'm not sue how Ken feels about it anymore, since going into the military so quickly has been put on hold. I need to talk to him about it though, see how he is feeling.
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I've found I can easily talk about what happened now, without getting emotional, which I think is a step in the right direction. I'm also going to a support group tonight in Olympia called The Compassionate Friends who deal with child loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, and child death) and I'm really hoping that it helps. I know that losing the baby has had a profound affect on my life, but I don't think that this blog is going to help me through it alone. I know it's hard for people to understand or know what to say when I bring it up or it somehow comes into conversation, and I don't know anyone else personally or profoundly that knows what I'm going through, so I'm really hoping being in a group will help me sort through everything.
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