Sad

This is a little late, but I need to write it nonetheless. I feel horrible. I called my mom on Mother's day to wish her a happy day, and she didn't answer (neither did Cyndi, sad) but she left me a voice mail the next day. My mom said that she appreciated me calling, but the day wasn't happy for her either. She said she kept thinking of me all day, wishing I could still be pregnant and celebrating with her. I appreciate her concern for me, and the obvious rough day I had, but it makes me also feel horrible at the same knowing that her day sucked because my day sucked. Bleh. I hate knowing that I was partly the reason my mom didn't get to enjoy Mother's Day. And I know it's not my fault but I still feel bad.

............
I haven't gone to the doctor yet, I want to wait a little more. And I think I'm going to another doctor, my older sister's doctor in Enumclaw. I want to meet with him first before I try to get pregnant again. I've decided at the start of next week too I'm going to start taking my prenatals again, to get my health back on track for when we are ready to try again. Things are still really uncertain here, but I think we're moving toward healing and getting closer to want to start trying.
.....
My friend Amy told me that there is an organized walk for the TEARS Foundation on June 11th, kind of a memorial thing and fundraiser for people who have lost children (the foundation helps parents pay for funeral expenses and graveside things like headstones for when a child dies.) and she's walking in commemoration of my two lost babies. I'm going to walk with her, and I think it will help. Anyone who is interested in walking with us is more than welcome, just let me know. June 11th, 10 am at Cheney Stadium here in Tacoma.