Negative

With every passing day, I'm becoming more and more convinced that I will be unable to conceive naturally. The possibility of me becoming pregnant this month seem so small, so "not going to happen". Why of all months of trying, almost 14 months of actively trying, should this month be any different? Can something just go right for once? Just a little encouragement, something positive in regards to having a baby, please?
Is God punishing me? I feel like it sometimes. This is something that has to happen because I'm an awful person and I get jealous when ever other known woman is having a baby, and has not had any issues either conceiving or carrying to term. It becomes so overwhelming, so difficult emotionally.

I definitely will never take my ability to have a baby for granted again. If I ever do have a child of my own, my fertility is not something I will ever take for granted. It is such a special gift,

Too Late?

No baby in July either. This is the last month we have before I have to make that dreaded appointment at the infertility clinic. I'm so nervous about this. I can't imagine having to make that call, see an infertility specialist, walk into that clinic. I can't help but wonder if this is some form of punishment. Am I such an awful person that this is what I get? Why do I have to go through this? Why does it seem like every other person I know is having babies, multiple pregnancies , all healthy and perfect. Why do I have this desire in my heart for children if it will never be fulfilled? I've been reading what i can about adoptions online, and it's not promising. Everything I've read says that they cost $15,000- $20,000, unless I do foster to adopt, but even from other states, there do not seem to be any young children in foster care, 95% of what I've seen are children 12 and above. And if we are willing to do an older child, there are so many steps involved, it would be a year or more until we even had a possibility of receiving a foster child. I feel so lost right now.