Sunday, October 13, 2013

Lonely

So I've been feeling especially lonely lately, the last week or so. With Ken working nights and sleeping all day, and Andy working long days so he's not home until I'm ready for bed... is hard. Really hard. It's just me and the baby all day long it seems, and while I of course love my son to pieces, some adult conversation would be great once in a while. Even someone to hold him and entertain him so I can sit down and eat without him crying would be nice.
I had a kind of break down last weekend about all this. I was frustrated and missing Ken really bad, and working on opposite schedules was making me overly upset, I couldn't help but cry. I already feel left out from my circle of friends, and yet at the same time, I'm not ready to go back to work yet either. I have about a month left, and I'm dreading it.
No one has come to visit since that first week, so it's been about 4 1/2 weeks or so that I've been by myself. This sucks.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

1 Month

My sweet son, you are 1 month old tomorrow! And what a month it has been. You have been such a sweet baby, and made this thing called parenting a pretty positive experience so far. 
At one month:
-You're sleeping for 5-6 hour stretches at night is over, but it was so nice in the beginning. You're now waking between every 2-4 hous, but you're great about eating, getting a diaper, then going right back to sleep.
-Your newborn clothes still don't tend to fit you, although this morning, I noticed that your snuggly is, well getting snug! If you stretch your feet out, you hit the end of the snuggly.
-You are an accomplished pooper and tooter. And if you're dirty at all, nothing is right in your world until you're changed. Even if you're starving, you won't latch until I change you first.
-You are such a daddy's boy. Even if you're screaming at me, Ken can just pick you up for a few seconds and you quiet. I think you like looking at him, since you don't see him nearly as much as you do me.
-You recently started to smile, more so than just falling asleep. I have to have you focused though, but it makes my heart light up when you smile at me!
-Tummy time is not your favorite activity, but you are doing great with head control and moving your body. Last tummy time, you didn't mean to, but you picked your back legs up, scooting on the bed, and actually made yourself roll over! My strong boy!
-You are such a good baby. We have worked together to figure out your cues, and really only have a screaming fit if you're really tired.
-No real progress on the paci taking yet, and now you're picking about sucking on my finger too. Which makes me kind of sad, because I love it when you do!
-When you sleep for more than an hour during the day, I start to miss you.

I love you Alexander Leo!!
Your funny one month old face!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

2 1/2 weeks Postpartum

So it has been a little while since Lex made his arrival and I've had major surgery and I wanted to update as to how we are both doing. Lex is growing like a weed, and at his last appointment (1 week old), he had gained 3 ounces in 2 days!! Amazing! My milk has come in strong, since the day after we were discharged, and I've been able to pump every day, as to have a stash for when I go back to work. I think Lex is past the 7 pound mark now, he seems so much heavier. He also looks like a baby now, not a newborn. He is a pro sleeper, and only has the occasional night where he wakes up more than twice. His usual sleeping pattern is once he's down for the night, he will sleep between 4-6 hours straight, then wakes up to get changed, eat, and then he's down again for at least another 2 hours. Then he wakes up, gets changed, eats, and has another major nap, usually 2-3 hours. It's been so nice, for both Ken and I. There have only been a few times since Lex has been born that Ken and I have have been baffled and stressed about his crying. He really is a wonderful, calm baby, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I am so in love with my son!
As for myself, I am doing very well. The surgery was scary obviously, and I'm glad we were given an extra day at the hospital. Moving anything at all hurt, and something as simple as turning over in bed was difficult. It made me very upset one night, while Ken was asleep (he had been up for too long and couldn't keep his eyes open), and Lex was in his bassinet, and started to cry. I couldn't get out of bed to answer his cry... I had to rely on the nurse to give him to me so I could comfort him. And it made me so sad, to know that at that moment, I couldn't take care of my own baby.
Since we've been home, I have been much better. I haven't had to take anything stronger than ibuprofen since like day 3 home, and getting around has become much easier. I've been able to not only take care of Lex, but also somewhat take care of my home as well. At my follow up appointment to check my incision, Dr Dickson was very pleased and said I will barely have any scar at all, that I'm healing very well. I do have some nerve damage obviously, so part of my tummy near the incision is numb. The numbness has improved in the last week or so, but it is still a dulled sensation. I hope to get most of it back, but I guess we will see.
I had my mother in law here from California for a week (she arrived right after we were home) , which was a huge help. It was nice not to worry about making dinner, or dishes being done, or the floor being dirty, at least for a little while. We hadn't seen her in 3 years, so it was nice to be able to visit again and hear how Ken's family is doing.
Ken has been also amazing, and is the best daddy to my son I could ever ask for. He goes back to work tomorrow night, and I'm not ready. Granted, he had a lot more time off than we both thought he would, but it will still be hard without him here. And on that note, I am dreading going back to work, only because I know it will be so hard for me to leave him, even if it is on the other side of the wall and with a coworker I trust completely. It will take some getting used to not only getting myself ready but Lex ready as well. It will be ok, just takes practice. Here is one of Lex's first pictures:

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Birth Story

Well, Lex is currently napping, so I figured I would take the time to update. Lex is obviously here, and made his grand entrance on Sept 4th. So here goes the story:

Woke up early on the 3rd in order to get to the hospital at 8 am. Was admitted with only a little wait, and had Ken and my mom all set up to wait out my labor with me. By 8:30 or so, Dr Dickson came in and decided the best way to start the induction was to break my water, and moniter my contractions and Lex's heartbeat. Breaking my water hurt a little, but the result was pretty gross, I'm sorry. Feeling like you're peeing your pants every time you move even slightly got old, very quickly. The nurses were great though, and definitely made me feel better about what was going on.
I started to feel contractions soon after, although they were very mild. Lex was still doing great. It was pretty easy until around 6 pm or so, even though I wasn't progressing very fast. I believe at that point, I was still at like a 3cm and Lex was still a -2. Lex was tuned wrong (sunny side up), so there was a lot of back pain when I did have a contraction, and they progressively snaked around to my tummy area. By 6 or so, I was pretty tired, and the contractions, while not overly painful yet, were making me exhausted. I requested some type of pain management, and was given a shot of fentynol, just to take the edge off. We were all able to catch a little bit of sleep, which felt awesome.
Contractions came on very strong and often after the shot wore off. I guess because Lex was turned wrong as well, my contractions came up as a wave pattern, called coupling. I didn't get a break in between each contraction, so I could have 3 or 4 stacked on top of each other. Ken as amazing though, and stayed by my side the entire time, helping me stay focused with breathing and hand squeezing.
Some friends came in around 8:30, to visit (or so I thought). They even brought grapes, crackers, and juice for mom and Ken. It was nice to see them and visit, although it was right in the middle of my strongest contractions, so they really got to see the labor process haha. I thought they had come just to see how I was doing, and would return when Lex was born. But they had decided they were camping out, and not leaving until he was born. I have the best friends! The nurses even let them stay in a postpartum room to hang out and sleep while I was laboring.
The pain was getting very intense, and I asked for a epidural, which was a heaven send. That allowed Ken, myself, and my mom some rest, since it looked like we were in for the long haul. It was coming up on midnight and I was still only at 5 cm, and thankfully Lex had moved to a -1 station. Not a whole lot though for being in labor about 16 hours already.
I drifted in and out of sleep, Ken was sleeping like a log on the daddy bed, and my mom was trying to rest in an armchair, while listening to Lex's heart monitor. Around 2:45ish in the morning (while I'm still half asleep) I hear my mom yell "BABY IS IN DISTRESS!!!" and my room gets flooded with nurses. They have me flip on my side, then try to get on my hands and knees (which was impossible having being numb from the waist down) and then flip on my other side. I guess Lex's heart rate had dropped very suddenly from the 140's into the 60's. Obviously something was wrong.
5 minutes after that, my nurse said that Dr Dickson was calling it, and they were going to prep me for an emergency c-section. The one thing I didn't want to happen, was happening. My mom was crying, which made me cry, and I was trying my best to stay calm to keep Lex from having more trouble. Within 15 minutes or less, I was being wheeled out of my room and into the OR, completely numb from the chest down. I am so thankful that my friends were there camping out, they helped my mom be ok instead of being by herself while I was in surgery.
I said a short prayer as they were getting ready, I had an awful feeling about the surgery and was obviously very scared about myself and about Lex. Ken came in shortly after and held my hand the entire time. I ended up throwing up several times during the surgery, and it was scary as well, because I was so numb, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I know the feeling already from my asthma, but it was 20 times worse. Very scary. I was also so very sleepy, it was so hard to keep focused and keep my eyes open. I'm not sure if it was a reaction from the medication or just the temperature in the OR, but on top of all that, I had uncontrollable shaking.  My jaw and mouth started to hurt from my teeth chattering.
Lex was born at 335 am on the 4th, and hearing his first cry was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. Ken kept talking to me about his crying, and I couldn't help but cry. They had Ken go with Lex soon after, and had him change his first diaper and get his weight. 6 pounds, 14 ounces. So small! Stitching me up took longer than I expected, and all I wanted as to see my baby. Ken was able to bring him to me and hold him next to my head, and that made me start crying all over again. He was absolutely beautiful! As soon as I was stitched up, they wheeled me into recovery and I was able to see Lex fully and look at all his little details. They warmed me up and made sure I was ok, then they layed Lex on my chest for skin on skin and first time breastfeeding. Lex took to feeding like a pro, and the nurse was surprised, she made the comment "You could teach other babies to do this!".    
Soon after, around 5:30 or so, we were wheeled into postpartum, where my friends and mom were waiting. My mom was first, and 4 of my friends got to hold Lex within hours of him being born, which was so very special. My mom ended up staying a few more hours after my friends left (around 6:30 am) to let Ken and I sleep, which was a huge blessing. She also got to bond with Lex, which I know is so important to her, although she was up for over 28 hours at that point.
We ended up staying at the hospital until friday night, just to make sure Lex and I were both ok. You never know how much you use your stomach muscles until you can't anymore!
Lex is perfectly healthy, and although his entrance to the world was long and a bit scary, he is here and I am so in love, I can't believe it. He is perfect!

Next time I have some time, I will update about our hospital stay and how my healing is going.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

41 weeks

Well, obviously little Lex is not here yet. Currently overdue by a week, and Ken and I have decided that if he doesn't decide to come on his own by Tuesday, we're going ahead with an induction. I wish I could give him more time, but being in FMLA kind of limits the timeline of him getting here and me being able to take as much time as I want and being comfortable going back to work.
I am officially on maternity leave, and it's nice to know that I have dinners in the freezer ready to go, and laundry can wait for a while if I need it to, since neither Ken or I need work uniforms for at least 2 weeks. I've been working on cleaning the house from top to bottom. One, to help me stay active and encourage labor to start, and two, if we do have to induce, I want to come home to a clean house and not stress about dishes or a dirty carpet. Which I know I will unless I do everything now.
I wish we had a few more things for Lex, but honestly they can wait, at least a little longer. I wanted to have a new changing pad and covers (the one I had in the garage is kind of torn up, it will suffice but new would be better, and I have no covers for it), and I wanted to have a hamper in his room too. The hamper can wait though, I know.

My appetite sure have improved this last week though, I can't stop eating! If anyone know me personally at all, they know I can eat 3-4 bites of dinner and be stuffed. Normal for me. So when I get home from work, and can eat a hamburger, an english muffin, strawberries, a small bowl of cereal, a glass of juice, and 3 glasses of water on top of it within 2-3 hour span... yeah. I think Lex is growing!! It's been like this for over a week now, I feel like I'm back in the second trimester.

It's kind of surreal at this point, to know that by Tuesday, for sure, this little boy will be here. Not just here, but like HERE. Out of me and like a real life baby. Oh my GOSH!! It blows my mind! Can't wait!

Monday, August 26, 2013

1 day late

Well, my due date came and went on Sunday. Nothing really happened, some slight Braxton Hicks but other than that, pretty uneventful. I have another dr appt tomorrow, and she did offer to sweep my membranes, and Ken would like me to, just to see if it will work to get labor going... but I'm kind of on the fence. I've heard it hurts, a lot, and having to work right afterward probably would not be good. Plus there is no promise it even works.
I'm going to ask tomorrow about how long they will let me go before we schedule an induction. I'm thinking it won't be much longer than this week. And even if it is, I think I'm going to go on maternity leave after this week. I am getting so tired, so quickly, and even the smaller kids are getting really hard to lift. My boss supports that decision as well, which is nice. I did end up turning in my FMLA request paperwork late, so I hope that doesn't screw something up.
Overall, Ken and I (and even Andy) are ready for this baby to be here. The time has come!

Monday, August 19, 2013

39 week Update

How far along: 39 weeks, 1 day
How big is baby: weighs about 7 pounds, and about 20 inches long
I have been feeling: Not too bad, just feeling huge! My stress level is good, just kind of worried about when the big moment will happen! Ready for Lex to be here, not ready for all of what labor will entail.
Total weight gain/loss? A little less than 20 pounds now, I can't remember eactly
Maternity clothes? Love them
Sleep? still not bad, turning over is rather difficult though
Best moment this week? Finally feeling like everything is ready for the baby to get here
Food cravings? Not craving really, but my appetite has been huge in the last week or two. I feel like I want to eat everything!
Food aversions?  none lately
Gender? Boy all the way!
Labor signs? none yet that I can tell, last Dr appt I had, was no dilation, no effacement, and it's just been a lot of Braxton Hicks.
Belly button in or out? Neither? It's not in or out, just kind of flat haha
What I miss? cold deli sandwiches... wearing my wedding rings on my finger... being comfortable in any kind of aspect!
What I'm looking forward to? The call to Ken letting him know I'm actually in labor
I'm worried about: what labor will be like exactly, being induced
Bump? Feeling stretched to capacity right now!
Next appointment: Tomorrow, the 20th. Hoping for some change at all!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

38 weeks

Well I started my 38th week on Sunday, and boy is this kiddo getting big! My Dr measured my fundal height today and the first thing she said was "oh wow!". Hope he's not getting too big! There has been no change in either dilation or effacement since the 30th, so I'm guessing he still has some baking to do. He is head down though, and I got to see a quick profile today on an ultrasound, Dr Dickson wanted to confirm he hasn't flipped back up. It was only about 2 seconds, but I love it. Nice to see his face again. I'm really wondering what his features will be, something I think about a lot now.
Ken and I went to the mall to get him a suit jacket for an interview on Saturday, and about halfway though our shopping, my tummy started to hurt a lot! It started in one area, and moved to two different places by the time we got back to the car. It stopped as soon as I would sit or lay down, but for the rest of the night, any time I tried to stand up and move, I got a tightening and soreness feeling all over. Made the night difficult. It went away the following morning, and Dr Dickson confirmed today it was just Braxton Hicks. I had some bad Braxton Hicks again this afternoon, unfortunately at work, coupled with a caffeine headache, made for a miserable afternoon. I'm still going to work as long as I can, but if these continue like that, I may have to go on FMLA sooner than I want. It's pretty impossible to work the way I need to with contractions going on.
My stress level has gone way down since my last post, I was able to help out my brother last Saturday, chores in exchange for some cash, and he really helped knock out my to do list before Lex gets here.
I do have a new slight stress though, but there is nothing I can really do about it. If things work out with this interview Ken had today, he will have a new job in the near future. Which makes me stress a little about insurance. There is always a time period before benefits start, and the timing of the new job and Lex's arrival may be kind of scary. I really don't want to pay for his birth out of pocket!!  Nothing I can do about it, but it makes me nervous. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.
Unfortunately, due to finances and her trying to get a new job, Cyndi (my MIL) will not be able to come up for his first weeks of life. I'm ready and willing to buy her plane ticket, but finances are really tight for Ken's parents, and Cyndi really needs a job, so the timing doesn't work. Hopefully she will get up here sooner rather than later, before he's too old. Ken, Andy and I have talked about taking a road trip down there with Lex though, so there is always that possibility. 
Oh, good news though, we have the car seat installed in the car, and the stroller together and ready to go. Yay! I forgot what the pattern looked like when I bought it a few years ago, and I was surprised, it was different than I thought, but in a good way!
38 week picture!



Wednesday, July 31, 2013

36 weeks

Well I had my 36 week appointment on Tuesday, and Lex is still growing strong. My Dr said that he is getting big, and his heartbeat is still going strong, was in the 150's this time. She also said I'm dilated already (either 1/2 inch or 1 inch, I can't remember what she said now after the fact!), and she doesn't think I'm going to make it to my due date. I know it's more of a guessing game, but maybe the due date was wrong, and that was why Lex seems big? Possible. I need to finish some details with the packing of the hospital bag, but that is pretty much ready too. Kind of freaking out just slightly that he could come at any time... really hoping I don't go into labor at work, that kind of freaks me out.

I'm starting to feel better about getting prepped, there is very little left to get, it's more organizing everything and some extra cleaning, which shouldn't be too bad. Oh and figuring out how to install the car seats. I'm still feeling really good, and my energy is pretty good still as well. My hands and feet are swollen pretty much all of the time now, so I've switched my wedding rings to my necklace.

So overall, things are going much better, and beyond my worry about when and where I will go into labor, I'm feeling pretty positive about everything.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Progress

It may be a little thing, but all of Lex's clothes are officially organized!! Washed, dried, sorted, and organized in his room. I was also able to meal prep 6 meals today, which is a huge relief. Even if I can get 20 meals prepped and ready, I will feel better. I think 20 is a good goal before he gets here in 5ish weeks.
I also made a list of all the things we still really need (which isn't as much as I thought, a lot of stuff would be nice but this list is more of things I'll worry about if we don't get it before he gets here or very soon thereafter), and after this week I'm going to tackle my to do list on the fridge. At least the things i can do myself. I talked to Ken today about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, and he promised to help in the next few weeks. Definitely made me feel better.
Still have a few things to get together for the maternity photo shoot, but that will be easy to prep for. Not quite sure how I'll get a chance to do my hair the way I want it to be after working all day that day, but between my mom, the photographer, and myself, we'll figure it out.
I also started packing the mom and dad bags for the hospital today, and I think I'm about half way there. I need to get some extra toiletries I think, and pack some extra clothing and things for Lex, but after that, I can scratch that off the list too.

I'm definitely starting to feel better, even though it still seems like time is running out! 5 weeks! Unless he's late, but even then, 6 weeks maybe?? Eek! Excited and nervous at the same time!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Terrified

Ok is it normal for a mommy to be so overwhelmed and worried/terrified at this stage in the pregnancy? I feel like there is not enough. Not enough time, too much to do, not enough money, too much to buy still, not enough ready yet, too much to think about. Too much to worry about, as for the hospital, getting ready for labor, how I'm going to get everything prepped in a timely manner, the worries for what happens after my leave is over and I have to go back to work....

AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day, between work, commuting, dinner making, and spending time with my husband for little else regarding to cleaning, organizing, meal prep, or budgeting. 
I still feel like there are a lot of things that little Lex will need before he gets here, or soon thereafter, but trying to figure out how to pay for it is driving me crazy. Ken and I are having a hard enough time budgeting and saving for my leave (trying to cover bills for when I'm not working), that finding extra money for things like a infant bathtub, no scratch mittens, crib sheets, a mobile, an extra diaper bag, etc, is seemingly impossible. Not just that, but finding extra money for extra groceries so I can have freezer meals ready. Yeah, not sure sure how I'm going to do that. I can't expect Cyndi to be able to fill in that gap as far as paying for food when she's here helping... Don't get me started on where the extra money for helping her even GET here to see Lex will come from....

I definitely want to nest but after work I'm so tired, even thinking of cleaning more makes me want to scream. My to do list seems never ending, and while most of it I can do myself, I can't do it all. The nursery is almost ready, but I still have clothes to wash and sort and figure out my storage space for everything.

Ken and I still have to figure out the car seats, which also means cleaning out at least his car. I'd really like the stroller put together and ready before he's here too, in case I need to use it for whatever reason before Ken's 10 days of leave is up. I need to make Andy a small bag for Lex in case of emergencies. 

Thinking about all this makes my head want to explode!! And obviously trying to think about all of this at the same time is more than a little overwhelming. I'm trying to tackle the to do list as an every other week or something pace, so it's not too crazy. And I guess I have to suck it up and do at least something after work every day, since weekends will be nonexistent pretty much until Lex gets here. Oiy......

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

32 weeks

Late getting to this, but I thought I'd start anyway, at least every time I blog until I deliver.

How far along: 32 weeks, 3 days
How big is baby: weighs 3 3/4 pounds and is about 16.7 inches long
I have been feeling: Stressed and worried. We have nothing set up or ready yet, my house feels messy, and the urge to nest is hard to control. I don't want to nest too much yet since I have nothing ready, which is frustrating. Ken is also looking for a new job, and that coupled with our already strained finances is worrisome. Also super tired! Running out of energy very quickly now.
Total weight gain/loss? about 12ish pounds I think
Maternity clothes? I think I'm set. I have work pants, jeans, and 6 tops. The nylon or whatever on my pants gets annoying after several hours though.
Sleep? Getting better actually, but I still toss and turn a lot. 
Best moment this week? Getting plans ready for my first maternity shoot this weekend
Food cravings? Haven't had any for a while, but overall during the pregnancy it has been fried chicken, chocolate milk, fries, and pretzels.
Food aversions?  mustard and peanut butter
Gender? Boy all the way!
Labor signs? not that I'm aware of. Braxton Hicks jut recently started
Belly button in or out? Still in, but creeping towards an outie now
What I miss? sleeping on my stomach, so much!
What I'm looking forward to? My baby shower on the 13rd
I'm worried about: Finances, getting the nursery ready, all the stuff we have left to do.
Bump? Getting pretty big at this point
Next appointment: This Friday, July 5th.

Week 32!
 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

31 weeks

Um, so can I just say how crazy it is that my pregnancy is almost over!? Every time I look at the ticker here on my blog, and the number of days I have until my due date gets lower, it's crazy, almost unbelievable! It seems so close! It's still a little hard to believe that this baby will be here soon and my life will be forever changed, even more so than it has already.

The nursery is still incomplete, and I'm starting to stress about it. Andy promises he will move this Tuesday on his day off, and even if we can just get the crib together, I'll feel better. I feel kind of overwhelmed by all we have left to do! Seems like a never ending list.

Thankfully my mom has taken the reins, and she and one of my sisters is hosting a baby shower for me. Feel better about that aspect, it should be a little crazy though, I think it ill be a pretty large party. I'm definitely looking forward to it.

Ken and I have finally registered for a birthing class, in late July. I'm getting nervous about the idea of labor and delivery, but I'm hoping the class will help with that fear. I know it will be ok with Ken and my mom there beside me. I'm also nervous about my job prospect when I get back from maternity leave. I have a feeling that this pregnancy may change how my employer feels about me, and I'm nervous to see what exactly that means. How much my job may change when I come back. There just seems to be so much uncertainty in the air, very overwhelming... between the next 2 months and getting stuff prepared, my job, the changes that will happen between Ken and I... I think the next 6 months will definitely be a crazy whirlwind of stuff, and it's hard to keep all in my head. I'm hoping the next few weeks will be ok and go smoothly, hopefully then it will make the rest of the next 6 months or so be ok too.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Grieving

I had to post. I've kind of had an epiphany. As some of you may remember, after my second miscarriage, I joined a support group. During one of my last meetings, another member passed out livestrong type bracelets, but were black and said grieving on them. To serve as a public statement to the world that I have been hurt, that I lost something, something so dear to me. I only took it off maybe a handful of times, and any time I did for whatever reason, I felt naked, that I had to rush home and put it back on. That my grieving process was not over, not even close, and I needed the bracelet to help keep me in check.
Well, Ken and I went to a work function of his, a casino night, which meant we dressed up a little. I took off my bracelet since it really didn't go with my nice dress. And I haven't felt the need since I've come home and changed to put it back on again. I honestly don't think I need it. It is in my jewelry box, just in case, but I love the fact that that part of my life, may be over.
Don't get me wrong, I'll never be completely over what happened and the loss of my two babies, but it doesn't feel so raw, so real, so awful any more. I'm not sure if baby Lex has something major to do with this, or time, or both. All I know is that this is a good feeling, and it has definitely been quite the journey to reach this point. God is so good, and I can't thank Him enough for the blessings He has given Ken and I.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

The 3rd Trimester!!

I can't believe we are in the last stretch of this pregnancy. Do I really only have 12 weeks left (give or take)? I keep wondering what my son will look like, how it will be when he is here. Will he look more like Ken or me? Both? Will he have dark hair or the platinum blonde Ken and I were both born with? I'm really curious to see him at last! Ken mentioned the other day "This baby needs to be here now!". I'm glad he is so excited, but this baby can cook as long as he needs to! Longer is better!

The nursery is finally ready to be put together (after we move Andy into the other bedroom, which should happen soon), and I'm hoping to get the main components up and ready before the end June. I wish I could repaint but I don't think there is enough time unfortunately. I'm really ready to start organizing and going through everything. There have been lots of families at work that have been awesome, and between those families, we now have another car seat with extra base, more clothes, a crib wedge, some decorations, and other random things. A parent at work told me too if we need anything to let her know, she has lots of stuff left over from her son (who is in my class). I figure I'll take her up on anything she's willing to give me, if I have extra or don't want some items, I can always sell it to a consignment shop. Can't hurt right?

I think the registries are pretty much complete, between Babies R Us and Target, I'm pretty confident we have everything we might still need. I think. Having Rachel help me with the Target list was great, she thought of a lot of things I didn't even think about. Definitely feels nice to have that taken care of.
Week 28!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

26 weeks

There has been a lot going on. This little boy sure is active, but I love it. It's definitely the highlight of my day, and it is for Ken too. He told me yesterday as I was getting up for work (I was curled up o the couch, still half asleep) "I want to feel my boy kick!" Well ok then, tell me silly!Ken is constantly holding, kissing, and talking to Lex/my belly, and it's simply amazing. The other day I was on the computer and I saw he had taken out "The Expectant Father" book I bought years ago when we first got pregnant, and it warmed my heart to know that he went and got it of his own accord.
I asked Ken what his favorite part of the pregnancy has been so far, and he has two. Feeling Lex move, and beginning to get everything ready. I am so excited for him to be a father!!

I had my glucose test today, and I expected to have the results by the end of the week. Surprisingly, I had a voice mail on my phone after work that said I passed! Yay!! I'm so relieved, I was very nervous about the possibility of having gestational diabetes. Definitely feels positive, and just reaffirms to me that God is so good, and He has given me this baby for a reason. The pregnancy has been relatively easy thus far, and I know God has such great things in store for Ken, I, and Lex.

26 week baby bump

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Odd and Ends

Well I know it's a little late in posting, but Ken and I have picked a name for our son. We've agreed on Alexander Leo. Leo is Ken's middle name, and Alexander is a name I've always liked for years. I really wanted to incorporate the name Jonathon somehow, but Ken wanted it as a first name and I didn't. I wanted to have 2 middle names, Jonathon Leo, but Ken didn't like that. The name fits though, I'm glad we came to a middle ground. I find it weird to call the baby by his name, in reference to him, though. Maybe because I'm still pregnant and it's... weird. I don't know, hard to explain. It feels weird to look at my stomach though and say "Alex" or "Lex". I'm sure I'll get over this as the weeks continue.

My friend Rachel gave me a huge box of clothes from her 14 month old son yesterday, which is a huge blessing. A family from work has a list of things from their children they want to give us too, which is awesome. I don't think Ken and I will have to register for much honestly. Little things like pacifiers and crib sheets and first aid stuff. Nothing too bad.

Is it weird that no one has offered to throw me a shower yet? I'm thinking that it will have to wait until July anyway, so that people with more complicated schedules can still attend. I really wish I could begin the set up process for the nursery, but that's a complicated issue. Every time I get inspiration, I have to remind myself to be patient. I really want to get things put together, while Ken and I have time on the weekends and I'm not as big as a house yet. Kind of frustrating at times.

The baby has been super active. Every time I sit down, even for a few minutes, he starts to rock and roll! He can make my whole tummy move now too, it's crazy fascinating. Ken and I went today with the roomies to see Iron Man 3, and pretty much the whole 2 1/2 hour movie, this baby was moving! He's kind of a turkey though, when Ken tries to feel, every time, that's when he stops. The baby cooperated for the most part today, and ken got to feel some of the more powerful kicks, which makes me smile. It's also crazy to say that I'm almost 6 months. Which is confusing by the way. 9 months is only 36 weeks, and to term is 40 weeks? Why do people say pregnancy is for 9 months when I guess technically it's 10? I don't quite get it.

My next Dr appointment, I have to do the glucose test, and I'm kind of nervous. My dad had diabetes, and I know I'm overweight, even before the pregnancy, but the thought of diabetes scares me. Really hoping the first test comes back negative.

I think that's it for now, all that I remember I wanted to write about. Almost 24 weeks!


Monday, April 22, 2013

Worries

I have a new set of worries on my mind now. I'm worried about my social life in the coming months, and after the baby is born. I know of one other person/couple who have a young child that I'm around socially on a consistant basis. I think it's hard enough for me to be social with my good friends, seeing as I have other responsibilities and different focuses than they do (ie: marriage, home, etc). It's hard enough now to coordinate schedules and agree on being able to hang out. How much harder will it be, knowing that I will have a baby in tow? I don't want my social circle to collaspe, or feel like I'm missing out on even more because of the baby.
I'm sure I'll find other friendships with new moms, but it would be seriously upsetting if my older friendships faded or died because of different priorities and lives. I obviously can't and will not be able to do things spur of the moment any more. Which my unmarried, un-babied friends will be much more ale to do, and may not really want to include me and baby on such adventures. It's all a little complicated. I guess all I can do is hope for the best and see what happens right?

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Baby Dudley Is...

Well the day is finally here, and Ken and I have found out that we are having a baby

BOY!!!

 




I don't think it has really hit me yet,  that in 4 short months, I will have a son. It still feels so surreal, even though I've been feeling this boy kick for almost a month now. Like is this really happening? I have a son. My baby is a boy. Reality has not hit me fully yet. This is so crazy!! 
I'm a mom, and I have a son!!!
And as I'm typing this, the baby my boy is kicking up a storm. That is such a highlight of my day, I love it. There seems to be so much to do now, with a baby shower, sorting out the nursery and getting the decorations up, moving Andy out of the nursery and into the office, so much stuff to do! Little steps I guess. I am so excited, I know this baby is truly a blessing from God.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Almost 21 weeks

Ok so I'm finally updating. I was nervous about the 20 week ultrasound, but it went well, even though it ran late. It was at St Elizabeth, so I had an intern doing most of my exam. He had some trouble getting measurements and pictures, only because the baby was moving so much! Flipping over completely, doing 180 turns, everything. It took about 30-40 minutes before the intern got frustrated with the baby (hah) and asked the sonographer to come in to finish. The intern kept making me laugh though, he called the baby a turd! I asked not to know the gender right up front, and it was a good thing, because very quickly after he started the ultrasound, it was pretty apparent.
I can't decide what the gender is honestly, I'm not sure if "apparent" means clearly a boy or clearly a girl. Oiy! The intern called my mom, and after some confusion over getting her to answer the phone, my mom now knows the gender and Ken and I still don't know. I'm glad I only have to wait a week, the suspense is already too much! I'm getting the party details together this weekend, so I don't have to stress too much the day of. I'm just excited for it to be Saturday!

Ken also finally got to feel the baby move this morning, after I had breakfast. We were trying last night to get him to feel the baby, but the baby was being a turkey. Even after half a cup of coffee, juice, and a small meal, every time Ken would put his hand on my tummy, the baby would stop moving. Of course! Ken got frustrated/impatient pretty quickly, like after 30 minutes, but I'm glad it worked this morning. He got a big goofy grin on his face when the baby kicked for him.

Now the next step is registering, and trying to figure out how to get Cyndi (Ken's mom) up here at least, for the birth. Money is tight for them in CA right now, so we're hoping to use some airline miles on Ken's credit card to help or completely purchase her ticket. The timing may be kind of hard to figure out, but we'll get there. We still have time.

Baby Dudley at 20 weeks:

Monday, April 1, 2013

9 More Days/19 weeks

9 more days until I have the 20 week ultrasound. And I'm halfway through this pregnancy. Um WOW!!! Crazy to think it's already half over! I'm getting really excited for the gender reveal, and I've definitely been feeling the baby kick, if not every day, at least every other day. Usually in bed when I'm resting before trying to go to sleep. I had some really big kicks tonight while watching tv, which made me laugh and almost cry at the same time. I can't wait until the kicks are strong enough for Ken to feel.
I also got a phone call from the Dr's office, and my triple/quad screen (still not sure which one they did, ha) came back all negative. Good to hear, even though I wasn't worried. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

18 weeks

We had the 18 week appointment today, and it went well. My DR listened to the heartbeat by doppler again, and I had to hold my breath. I didn't hear a steady heartbeat like I had previously, but my DR just laughed, asked if we heard it, then said that the baby was moving a lot! Definitely reassured me today.
Next is our 20 week ultrasound, where they will be checking a lot of the body and systems, and also (sort of) telling us the gender. After that I see my DR again at 22 weeks.

I think I've felt the baby move today. I was driving home, on my way to get gas, and it felt like a bubble popped in my belly, for a second, then it was gone. I'm not really sure what I should be looking for, but from what I've heard, and after talking with Ken and Andy, I'm pretty sure it was the baby and not something else or whatever. Kind of exciting!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Happy

So glad this week is over. It was slightly stressful week, especially at work and with finances. I think I'm going to be one of those lucky women who is sick the entirety of the pregnancy. I'm over it about 90%, but times at work, and if I go longer than 2 hours at home without eating, I feel like I'm going to hurl. It seems to hit me suddenly too. I have another week until my next appointment, which I'm excited and nervous for. I'm glad the triple or quad screen done, I'm not sure which one my Dr said. Neither Ken or I have any genetic abnormalities in our families that I know of, but there is always a chance, which is why I'm slightly nervous. I guess we shall see.

Something made me really happy today though. Ken and I were talking this afternoon, and he placed his head on my tummy. I asked him "hear anything?" and he said "no, just normal tummy rumblings". So I asked him to move down, since the top of my uterus is at the top of my belly button (so says all the baby development websites). I again asked him if he could hear anything, and he said yes! He said it sounded like a sloshing, or when you hear someone moving underwater. How cool! I'm sure he was hearing the baby move in the amniotic fluid, even though I can't feel anything yet. The smile on his face was priceless though, it made me so happy.

Changes to my tummy are still subtle, I can only really notice it is I'm laying on my side, then the bottom half of my tummy feels more round and filled out. Just standing up though, I don't think you can tell really. Still waiting for that tell tale "belly bump".

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Almost week 16

So I've been feeling very weird this last week or so. I've been experiencing the round ligament pain more steadily, which I'm guessing is a good sign. And while Ken and I can notice very subtle changes, but I've been having feelings of that I'm not pregnant. I don't look pregnant like any other slimmer woman would at this point, and it's hard to imagine a baby the size of an avocado is swimming around in there somewhere. I'm really trying not to stress, I'm sure everything is fine, but it feels weird. I want to look pregnant. I think I should at almost 16 weeks right? Overall it all makes me worry that something is wrong, and I'm sure that feeling will not go away my entire pregnancy, no matter what I do.
So generally, feeling weird and sort of emotional this week, and trying not to worry or stress too much.
My OB was just slightly concerned that I had not gained any weight yet, and actually lost weight in the month I saw her last. I've been really trying to eat like a pig (healthily of course... mostly) but eating every 2 hours is really hard. It is easier at work, since the kids eat every 2 hours and I get a lunch break, but at home and the weekends is difficult. I'm not used to having to eat this much, so I've been getting annoyed when my tummy rumbles after I just ate something. Weight gain is harder than I thought it would be as well. My bathroom scale is off though I think, so it's hard to get an accurate reading. I think I've gained weight and the same afternoon it says I've lost. Kind of frustrating. Babycenter website said to eat a milkshake every day, it gives you added calories and calcium from the ice cream. If we weren't so broke that would be a great plan!

Monday, March 4, 2013

15 weeks and an update

Ok, so I've been meaning to write for a week now, and up until this moment, I haven't felt the desire or had the time. My 14 weeks appt went well, although it was short. She just heard the heartbeat again with the Doppler, and sent us on our way. We have more appointments at 18 and 20 weeks. 18 weeks is the blood test for genetic disorders, and 20 weeks will be when we (my mom) will find out the gender.
I don't think I've mentioned this yet on here, but Ken and I are doing our gender reveal a little different. My mom will be the only one to know, until we have a gender reveal party for friends and family. She may plan it differently, but I think she will order a cake that will be dyed either blue or pink, so when we cut into it, everyone and we will know. I think it will fun for everyone to guess and see what everyone thinks, and since Ken and I don't care about the gender, it will be a fun way to find out with our loved ones near.

I will be 15 weeks tomorrow (Tuesday), and I've already noticed some changes. It's not drastic yet, but I've personally noticed that my belly is bigger, and I think I am kind of showing, not just looking overweight now. Maybe that's me though, I can't tell. Bending over and down all day for work is getting more difficult already too, I need to learn to squat. I may be in trouble in the coming weeks, haha. Everything is still going well.

Monday, February 25, 2013

14 weeks

I am SO NERVOUS for tomorrow!!!!!

I can picture this appointment going both ways, and I'm trying to keep calm, but the closer it comes to the time (tomorrow, the 26th, at 930 am), I am getting more and more nervous. My symptoms have lessened since 12 weeks, and I know that's normal. I guess I don't feel pregnant yet, because I'm not skinny, so I'm not showing. I have noticed that my belly is slightly bigger, but beyond that, it's a weird feeling. It's almost hard to picture a tiny child, a tiny being, a baby the size of a lemon, who weighs an ounce and a half, is swimming around somewhere in there. I guess it wont feel real until I see the ultrasound tomorrow and see the baby actually there, alive, heart beat strong, moving.

Prayers please, and thank you everyone.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Cravings and Aversions

So this is more for my own documentation, but I wanted to talk about my aversions and cravings I've been having. Last night was the most intense aversion, I was making oatmeal and my roommate left out the jar of peanut butter. It smelled funny and made me go "ugh" but then I sat down to eat, and immediately had to put my bowl down and run to the bathroom. Apparently I can eat it or even smell it now. Which is so sad because I love it! Ken is currently eating a box of peanut butter cheerios I bought because I had one bowl and couldn't continue. My other aversion so far is mustard. I don't like mustard at all anyway, but if it's mixed in something, like egg salad, I'm fine. Not anymore. So weird.

On to cravings: the main ones I can remember right now are fried chicken, wonton soup, and fries of any kind (not together!). My craving for wonton soup hasn't quite been fulfilled yet though, I ordered a carton a while ago, and while good, it wasn't the same soup I remembered eating from my childhood, which was disappointing. And I've discovered that my fried chicken has to be from Church's in Lakewood, other places, including safeway, it's not the same taste at all. At least fries are easy to fulfill.

Almost 12 weeks!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Jonathon

So I looked up the meaning of the name Jonathon over the weekend.

"Gift of God".

Still not completely sold on it, either as a first or middle, but it definitely gives me something to think about.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Still sick as ever, and everything seems to be going about the same as it has been. I guess I don't feel very pregnant though yet, maybe because I'm not showing yet? I don't know, some times I do, some times I don't. Weird feeling.11 weeks today though!!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Dreaming

I had a very vivid dream last night. Ken and I went in to the Dr for our 13 week ultrasound, and I remember being nervous about the outcome. Ken was gone for some reason as the DR was finding the heartbeat, and I was freaking out he was going to miss it. But it was there, strong and kicking! Ken came in right after, and the Dr also told us the baby was a boy! Ken and I also saw the baby move, my belly was going all over the place! We then decided to name him Jonathon.

I woke up happy but confused by the name Jonathon. I remember liking the name, sort of, a few years ago, but it's never been one that Ken and I have discussed. Time to discuss is maybe? I still like the middle name Alexander, but Logan I'm not sure of any more.
Ken came up with a new girl name too (wasn't feeling Abigail anymore either). Keep the middle name Joanne, which means "God is gracious", after my maternal grandmother,  and first name would be Elizabeth, which means "God's promise; God is my oath". We could call her Ellie or Ellie Jo for short. I think it's so cute! Definitely a keeper, but I need more time to make sure 100%.

Still sick as ever, as I', midway through week 10. I've actually vomited in the past week, which hasn't happened at all so far, just feeling sick. Good sign right?
I'm a little paranoid about taking anything during this trimester though. I head a headache the last 2 days, and the one coworker that knows tried to convince me to take Tylenol, and I know it's on the safe list, but I can't help but feel paranoid. I upped my water intake and kept eating every 2 hours, and it went away (eventually). I don't even want to take Tums for the heartburn I have now. The only medication I've been taking is my prescriptions for the asthma, my prenatal, a fish oil, and a calcium supplement. Really REALLY ready for my next appointment, I want to get over this first trimester hurdle and move on from the worry that this will all blow up in my face.

Monday, January 28, 2013

10 Weeks

Well it's 10 weeks tomorrow (Tuesday). Things have been steady, I ate a breakfast of saltines this morning since I was feeling so sick, and it continued throughout the day. I had some pain in my side late last week, but after looking it up, I'm pretty sure it was round ligament pain. Taken from What To Expect:
Lower abdominal achiness: Like so many pregnancy symptoms, round ligament pain (which is just a fancy name for those growing pains in that burgeoning belly of yours) is probably something you never expected. What’s causing them? The ligaments that support your belly are stretching out (and getting thinner); and as your belly gets heavier, the weight pulls on the ligaments, causing pain (sharp or dull). The best thing to do is get off your feet and get comfy.

It only happened for two days and has since gone away, and I have had no warning signs of any kind, so I'm guessing that everything is still great. I'm still nervous to be excited, but the more I think about it, the more I think "I'm going to have a baby!!!"
I'm trying not to think too far into the future yet, not until we get to my next appointment at 13 weeks, but my mind has been going in opposite directions lately. Sometimes I can't help but think there won't be a heartbeat at 13 weeks, and other times I think of a gender reveal, registering, and baby showers. I'm so nervous, for either outcome! Still staying 90%, and going to church with Jared has helped the past 2 weeks. Planning to continue that throughout the pregnancy and beyond, if I can. Positive thoughts!

Side note: Heartburn and nausea at the same time is a weird feeling. That's not to mention gas and a headache! Oh pregnancy...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

9 weeks

Ken and I went in today to hear the baby's heartbeat today. Everything went really well, Dr Dickson said the heartbeat was strong, at 175 bpm, and everything still looked great! I ended up crying once I heard the beat and heard everything was good. Ken even teared up a little. I won't have another appointment until 13 weeks (it was supposed to be 12, but Dr Dickson will be on vacation then, so one week later). Today has been such a great day!
I got another picture, and you can actually see features! Ken and I could both make out an arm or a leg in this one. Very exciting. 
I am nervous though. I know this is a different pregnancy, a whole different situation, and prayer will continue to be my future, but next week is the same time I had my missed miscarriage in my last pregnancy. And I still have another month until we're in the clear. I did some quick research, and I know the risk goes way down (between 4 and 14%) for a miscarriage now that I've heard the heartbeat, but I can't help but still be a little nervous. As before, continued prayer in the coming weeks would be most appreciated. Trying not to stress, and keep calm about all this. I know it will be fine, God is in control!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Next Step

Ok, it has been a bit since I last updated and I'm sorry for that. My health ha been bad the last few days, and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.
My doctors appointment went great! I really like Dr Dickson, and she said everything looks perfect. She did a breast exam, a pap, and then gave me an ultrasound. She said the baby looked closer to 7 weeks than the 8 I estimated (which is fine), so my new due date in August 28th. She also said that she could see the heart beat, nice and strong, and she tried to listen for it. It was really faint, but I heard it!!! She said because of my history, that we'd have another appointment on the 22nd to really hear the heart beat, at 9 weeks. Definitely made me feel better about the whole situation, I'm really thankful. Her nurse is nice too, which is a plus. And I got a picture! Dr Dickson said the heart beat was at 155 beats per minute that day, which I then told my mom, and she said she thinks it's a boy lol.Not the first time I've heard that, but we'll see, I don't care either way.


So now it's a waiting game until the 22nd, and Ken took the day off so he's coming with me. Maybe I'll try to make a recording it so I can post it here too.
Things are definitely getting better, and this appointment just made me so much more confident about the pregnancy. Please continue praying for me, I'm still nervous about the possibility of another missed miscarriage, which is entirely possible. One more week!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Nerves and Worries

These last few days have been difficult. Ken has been stressing me out emotionally, and I've been feeling distant to him emotionally as well. I think he's just stressing out about baby expenses and money already, he's mentioned it a few times, but having him stressed makes me stressed. And the closer I get to my Dr appointment and the farther along I get, the more nervous I feel. I can't help but worry about the heartbeat appointment coming up in the next 3-4 weeks. It's been more difficult to stay positive and relax, I can't help it.
Today, I also smelled blood as I was going potty, like it was on my underwear. No  actual blood, just the smell. That also has me worried. I'm still praying, still staying positive, but these last few days have been hard.

It's also been so hard not to tell people. I don't like hiding it from people. During New Years Eve, there were 5 people, close friends of mine, that I desperately wanted to tell, but couldn't. I don't like it, and I want to tell the whole world, but I'm so nervous about this going bad.

Please continue praying for me, this has been a rough few days. Positive thoughts!