Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Not This Time

Sorry this has taken so long to update. Well the doctor confirmed it. I did have a miscarriage on New Years Eve. They said my hCG levels were at around 700 on the 29th, then the 31st it was just under 600, and by Monday when I did the blood draw again it was done to 76. I had another vaginal ultrasound and the tech said it happened naturally, everything else would pass on it;s own, and they needed to check my hCG levels to make sure they go into the negative like normal before Ken and I can start trying again. I had to do a another blood draw on Monday the 10th, and I have an appointment for follow up tomorrow (if the snow doesn't stop me from going, we'll see).

To be honest, I'm sad but not completely broken up about it. I was only 5 weeks, and I didn't even feel pregnant yet, so it's like I wasn't so emotionally attached yet you know? yes I was excited and yes I'm sad that it happened, but Ken and I are doing OK. We also figure since the pregnancy happened so quick the first time, it can happen again. We're optimistic about the future, and we're waiting for the OK from the doctor tomorrow to start trying again (although with significantly less stress and obsession this time, for sure). Whatever happens, happens. We've both talked about how we feel about what happened and the future, and we're both doing OK. It's weird to say it to people though, and I'm surprised by the number of people that don't already know.I don't know how I'm supposed to say this to a doctor though... if I get pregnant again is it my first? My second? Do I just preface it with saying I had a miscarriage? I don't know, ugh.

I guess I'll quit writing in this blog until I get pregnant again, since it doesn't  make sense to continue writing when I'm not pregnant. Oh, by the way, Ken and I came to an agreement on names for the first (second?) baby. It will either be Logan Alexander or Abigail Grace. We both love the names which is awesome!

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